take a seat

i typing for the sake of typing.... HAHAHAHA

i am just really damn happy now.
i am really glad i didn't give up. you make me happy, all the time.

alone in my room last night. i took out my recorder and played the national anthem.
ehhh not bad you know!? i should record it, let everyone hear.

i pull away from my close friends.
i hate the expectations, i hate the idea of disappointing someone. so please don't do this to me.
i love you still. it is just how i deal with things.

sometime back this day, i fell apart. i thought i would die. - then.
sometime now, i look at everything... i am still here, stronger then i ever was. emotions are really a strong thing eh?

i need screws to my wrist to fix my fractured wrist. operations, they suck, they really do.
do you know the term 'a guy with a broken wrist' refers to gay guys, i hope it doesn't apply to me.

operation is in 12 hours time and my arse is scared stiff.

yesterday, i got chased by this huge dog.
stupid owner, leash your dog up. will ya?

today at touch. ( some RJ girl ran over to be my wing )

me : eh, you my wing?
girl : yeah.
me: okay, talk to me okay?
girl : how?
me : with your mouth lah. hahaha you very cute leh.
girl : no no, what do you want me to talk to you about?
me : okay, i need you to make sure that i get onside... i also need you to read what they are doing, tell me if they are switching or looping, stuff like that. the more you talk to me, the more i can cover for you. all i need you to do is to be a bitch, just order me around.
girl : i am not like that. how can you expect to behave like a bitch?
me : HAHAHAHA. ( smacks head REAL HARD )
girl : SUB!
me HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH!!!!!

i kick fear in the nuts and stare down at individualism. BRING IT ON!!!

some people are fat. some fat people are nice. some fat people are just irritating fat shits. some fat people are just irritating fat shits who don't know their place. some fat people are just irritating fat shits who do not know their place and they get jealous of you. some fat people are irritating fat shits who do not know their place and is jealous of you because you are going out with the person they like. some fat people are irritating fat shits who do not know their place and they is jealous because you are going out with the person they like then they injure you. you are a fat piece of shit, know your role and shut you mouth.

ps - i am not a fatist, i used to be fat and i understand the pains of being fat. what some fat people can do, deserve whatever i can give. up yours ( if i can find it )

there once lived a boy who loved, who thought cars could fly and that also ships could walk. he thought life would be perfect, that people would love him just as he loved them. he was good at math and thought life was just like that. 1+1=2. sadly, for him. life just isn't that way. people hated him, people loved him, life was sometimes good, life was sometimes a mess. still he couldn't understand. he loved doing things he wanted, he loved eating, he thought he'd be happy if he just ate. he became fat, behind him, at him they poked fun at him. he didn't deserve it, no one does, he also loved sports, he loved it hard, but his knees just wouldn't stay good, the more he played, the more he hurt, the more he hurt the more they laughed. he didn't want them to laugh, and he wanted shelter. came along little shelter, shelter covered, shelter cared, but he wanted more, so he pressed, but little shelter broke. if you see that little boy, you won't see the shelter, don't ask the little boy about his shelter because his shelter broke. he is very sad that his shelter broke, he still buys tape to fix his little shelter, but they laugh because his shelter is no more.

knowing what to do, and doing what you know is VERY DIFFERENT.
how do we differentiate? we draw lines.

too SA i know. too little love also i know. but to know that there are people around me who show genuine care and concern to their loved ones really warms my heart.
he loves his hair and his sister is losing hers to chemo. to encourage her, he decides to shave his hair. i think that little gesture is amazing, it is so powerful, just really amazing. i am really proud to have him as my friend.

they always look forward to us. always searching a way, the best way out.
i know, there are a lot of ways to guide a person but the most effective way is usually the most heartless. i don't like having to resort to it.

THIS IS THE SHIT. SOMETHING IS WRONG!

like ducks on water, you look calm above the water but down under you are paddling like crazy trying to stay up. all look and feels ok, with all going on. you keep a straight face to everyone and hope on your everyone else to pull you out of the shit no one can tell you are in. from the people who can see... all we ask now, is this how you want to live?

pargman my PR lecturer is bloody blur. i have been in his class for almost a year and today he decides that i am crasher.

parg : i have never noticed you before are you a crasher?
me : no one with half a brain would want to crash this place.
parg : you still haven't answered my question.
me : no? HAHAHA
parg : how do i know you are not lying?
me : if you don't believe me, can i go home? pleaseeee?
parg : don't try these mind games on me. it is not working.
me : so i go home now ahhh? you say one ahhhh?
parg : no, i think i will let you see how this class goes.

i think i got him confused. i am definitely going to mess around with him some more later.

in the coming few days. i will dedicate my time and this place to the people who i have facilitated. they are all wonderful people who would do great things in the times to come. i am extremely proud of all of them because they have grown so much since then ( the time we met ). wait for it.... it's coming

i don't understand how some peoples lives are so eventful. they've got stuff to blog about EVERYDAY. maybe it's just me. imma really boring person. hahaha

i know it is not my style to go down without a fight but i am sick and tired of losing. i am sick and tired of people beating me to it.
it is the same story over and over again. i always lose! it is just really so very hard to be optimistic about this sorts of things. things never go my way, why? i think, maybe it is just me. i suck so very bad at this.